The voice of reason? Probably not.

So the hip thing was so big that it needed processing all by itself. But it's not the only thing that happened to me here. I have found something I was barely aware I was missing: my voice. I briefly mentioned enjoying the Kirtan on Friday night, but that was just a part of it. There is a lot of music here. Saul apparently was a musician (still is, I guess) before going the yoga way. Tony, the other guy in the Kirtan band is always around and Adam, one of the students is also a musician . There is chanting before most sessions and music almost every night.

So what's with the voice? I used to sing in a women's choir in the Netherlands, Bulgarian folk songs. My voice slowly grew during these years and I thoroughly enjoyed doing that, even if the conductor, Julia, was a drill sergeant. When I got pregnant I had to stop, too tired and I couldn't get the breath in my belly anymore. Then we moved here. I sang in a choir in Berkeley for 6 months, but that was such a long way to go on a Tuesday night when exhausted from baby duty. So it petered out. During the course of the next few years I noticed that whenever I sang I had tension in my throat and had a hard time letting that go. Even when I thought I did my throat would tire really easily, so it wasn't really relaxed. Of course, with the teaching in the evenings that I do it is hard to find the time in daily life to find a group to sing with, so it wasn't part of my life. Except for the occasional Rock Band session at Patrice's, of course.

After the 3 hour massage by Angela (see a previous post) I noticed my speaking voice was about an octave lower. The only other time that has ever happened was after a restorative yoga session with Judith Lasater (where we did 3 poses in two hours). Right now the speaking voice is back up to normal, but by bits and pieces, whenever there was chanting I noticed this new, clear and open singing voice I seem to have. Last night, there was some impromptu Kirtan and I stunned myself with the voice I am singing with. I know I have never sounded like this before, not even back in the days with Vrouwenkoor Julia. It still comes and goes a bit and I don't have full control over it, but boy, when it works it really works. For me, anyway. I don't much care how it sounds to others at this point. But there is something incredibly liberating about feeling that much opening in the throat. Another thing to be grateful for.

So next on my list will be to create my own 'village'. I was talking to Johanna about it at breakfast this morning, about how much you can miss the village you grow up with. She mentioned the one she has created for herself (spread out all over the world unfortunately), and I realized that nothing but fear and vulnerability is stopping me from creating one here. So Patrice already volunteered for this in one of her comments. I am pretty sure Barbara is in. Anybody else: let me know! I think it would by nice to set up like a monthly get together or something dedicated to taking the conversation a little deeper.

We did facial massage this morning and are now getting ready for the sweat lodge tonight, with a guy called Eagle Bear. But first lunch prepared by Caspar the miracle worker and then I get a full massage session with Gigi, one of the assistant teachers.